Wednesday 29 July 2009

Cold Showers Bring New Powers

Today I woke at 5.30am, got up immediately, did some bits and pieces in the kitchen, moved onto clearing all the rubbish off the piano, sorting through it all and then polishing the piano, cup of tea etc., before the cold shower.

I screamed for a shorter time this morning to avoid waking my youngest up and instead really gave a rousing and novel version of My skin is alive with the cold cold water, with pain it has had for a minute now, blah blah. I can sing really very loudly though not very nicely in a very cold shower.

I also did a large amount of washing, folding and putting away and of spending quality time with Am.

In addition I spent an excellent hour or two in the morning with my very good friend and colleague Gordon looking at an outstanding idea of his to produce some courses and possibly a self help book. Title under wraps til we copywrite it. Needs some work but going in the right direction.

The late night of after 3 before I crashed last night followed by the very early morning means that now I'm shattered and must sleep perchance to dream of very cold showers..

MissionMiraculus team members - remember to Seize the Day whilst also 'hurrying slowly' and keeping in mind that before a flower is admired in all its glory it spends a good while hidden beneath the soil throwing down roots and forcing its way toward the light. The light is ahead of us and we are getting closer every day to breaking above the ground. It's all hands to the deck now : we have a lot to live up to - our potential and our potential to effect positive and healing transformations and developments within and around us.

The future looks so bright :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) we're gonna need sunglasses ;-)

Tuesday 28 July 2009

Cold Shower Journal Entry 1

To the meats of the matter:

I'm entirely grasping the longer haul dimension of this showering thing, at least I think I am. I'm seeing it as my daily promise to myself to 'JUST DO IT!', to alter my pathetic 'I can't do it' refrains and excuses to 'I don't want to do this, I don't like doing this but I want what comes beyond this and so I'm bloody well going to do it'.

I'm seeing it as my 'wake up splash' reminder on a daily basis that the quality of my life and what I achieve is UP TO ME and what I'm willing to do to achieve my goals.

I'm not the least bit used to these showers. Yet. Will I ever be?

Each day I dread the shower, and so now I've fixed to do it in the morning rather than procrastinate half the day or til bedtime as I did to begin with. I feel a sense of 'oh god bloody hell' just as I set the alarm for 5 mins 10 secs (apart from this morning when Lorna 'timed' for me and didn't look at clock so I was in there for nearer to ten mins and boy did it feel like nearly ten mins).

I scream my head off for a minute or two and move then into singing at the top of my voice songs like 'the hills are alive with the pain of freezing' and somehow I end up really laughing at myself. The first day my fingers went completely white afterwards and wouldn't return to normality for quite a while but since then my circulation has been fine. Generally what I do is move about plenty afterwards. This morning I took benji for a walk afterwards so a double win on that one cos he was more than happy with that idea.

The girls think I'm nuts and can't see the point, they won't listen to me so I can't be bothered to explain. They'll see soon enough in tiny ways the longer term results of the project. I'm seeing it as a kind of outside-in therapy - 'BCT'instead of CBT, also a form of shock therapy, and a mind-body unifying therapy and - also in a very weird way it's a homage to you, MrMiracle. Because I have an intuitive certainty in relation to the higher power of some of your choices and experiences, the truth of them, the grace implied by them, or followed by them; the creativity implicit in the very simplicity of this one determined commitment.

The 'world wide web' looks on with baited breath to see the results of this enlightening recovery experiment ;-)

Sunday 26 July 2009

Wake Up Call

Introducing MrMiracle

Today's posting links with its sister blog, 'missmiraclesdiary.blogspot.com' by introducing to you 'prometheus beautiful' in the form of MrMiracle.

When I thought of how I might introduce you to MrM I immediately thought of 'prometheus unbound' and checked out the reference, since I didn't have a clue why it was a ref that came to mind so instinctively, never having read Aschylus (or Shelley's variant). It still seems somehow relevantly connected.

On Friday MrMiracle visited me and during a walk, a large number of cups of tea and a game of chess we chatted about all kinds of things.

Two topics he raised had me fixated.

The first was that he has studied, in his own performance in a gym, the impact of positive and negative thinking and has demonstrated in the results of his tests palpable evidence in favour of the power of the mind in relation to the body.

The second was that some years ago he made a decision to tackle his resistance to some of his daily life challenges and chores by taking a stone cold bath for fifteen minutes a day. He set a time for the event and repeated it daily for about two months. I gained the impression that this one decision-into-action had impacted on his life in a way that no 'talking cure' could hope to do so reliably and quickly.

There was a third diamond that MrMiracle put on the table for me. This last was crafted especially for me. It followed my lament that my family are all too fond of calling me 'lazy' and that this simply upsets me and drags me down. He commented that he had no such perception of me at all. Then he paused. Then he said:
"What I do wonder, is whether you tend to do the things you enjoy doing and avoid doing things you don't enjoy. How much time do you spend doing things you don't want to do and don't enjoy doing?"

Oh dear me. Oh dear me.

As little as humanly possible was the truth, I realised, as his question made its way into my psyche with a devilishly uncomfortable register of an uncomfortable truth having been lit up for all to see (even me!)

It didn't take long to start to realise just how high a price I've been paying all my life for doing absolutely anything rather than bite the bullet to do things that I don't enjoy doing and wish someone else would do for me.

So guess what? Yesterday I began the discipline of cold water. In my case shower, not bath, 5 mins 10 seconds. Sounds lame by comparison with Mr Miracles endurance of three times longer sat in a stone cold bath.

Try it and let me know what you think. Use the comments box below for feedback.

I'll be back soon to tell you how it's impacting on my life.

Thursday 28 May 2009

Nottingham Conference Whoopsy Daisy

Foreword to the following report: I have discussed an unfortunate encounter between Thomas Kabir and I on Thursday evening, 21st May when he was sitting, unsuspecting, at a dinner table and I appeared, three sheets to the wind and sat down beside him (see below). My subjective experience and reflections around and from this encounter are relayed in both of my blogs.

Consequently, since I have no knowledge of Thomas Kabir whatever outside of the brief meeting I had with him at the Conference, my comments can only be seen as an index of my own generic concerns and issues. Nothing I say can or should be taken to reflect on Thomas Kabir in anyway whatsoever. Any appearance of such reflection should be dismissed as misleading. Thanks.

Last week I spent a couple of days in Nottingham for the MHRN Scientific Conference (organised by Thomas Kabir I was given to understand by someone or another..). The event was well attended by experts by experience as well as experts by profession amongst the delegate group, whilst the speakers were overwhelmingly selected for their professional expertise predominantly as psychiatrists from Kings College and from the Institute of Psychiatry (both in London).

There was plenty of attention to quantitative data analysis and statistical probability factors, to neuro-imaging and to psycho-pharmacology and a certain amount of language use that couldn't reasonably be interpreted other than as inadvertently reinforcing stigmatising and redundant intellectual frameworks.

I noticed the prevalent references to terms such as 'disease', 'cognitive impairment', 'loss of grey matter' and so forth and an approving reference (indeed 2 approving references) to Kraepelin offered in the first case in selective and frankly distorting contextualisation.

One speaker, whose name escapes me but reminded me of the word Shit (quite wrong by the way; but I'll correct it in next posting and you'll understand the shorthand memory jogger I gave myself) was particularly interesting; I couldn't regard his position as other than predominantly medical model but his thinking appeared subtle and intelligently tentative: what a very welcome breeze in a largely unimaginative community of interests.

One of the most infuriating aspects of much research that is being pursued is that in itself the research subject matter is not uninteresting yet the inflections of priority and value base informing such research and the circles of conversational network within which such research develops and continues, removes from it the more interesting potentials for interdisciplinery dialogue and productivity that its funding might justify.

Instead of becoming exciting it is excitably protected inside intellectually sterile frameworks. Still, there are reasons to be cheerful, we kept being told and so (dum dum dum) let's keep smiling and keeping the faith (wink)

In a somewhat inebriated condition I approached Thomas Kabir at the Conference Dinner and confronted him with my concerns about the selection of speakers (as said above, very high proportion of psychiatric academics, a sprinkling of psychologists and one expert by experience co-presenting with an academic) and the weighting of biological and pathologising interpretations of mental health distresses and disturbances. He didn’t seem delighted with me.

He seemed even less delighted with me the following morning when I sensed his aversion to my presence. I made a decision to approach him and apologise to him for my rudeness the previous evening. My rudeness as I recall consisted of an attempt to encourage him to take me seriously by pointing out that I was old enough to be his mother. It was an inappropriate effort to give myself leverage to equality of speaker status with him.

Tuesday 21 April 2009

Blast From the Past

Found emails between Janie Greville and Dr. John King, Consultant Psychiatrist (now retired) from September 2008:-

RE: ‏
From: Janie Greville (janiegreville@hotmail.com)

Sent: 17 September 2008 01:25:42
To: King, John (Psychiatry) (john.king@worcsmhp.nhs.uk)
Hi John,
Thanks for your email.
Re my essay - frankly I almost never feel that way every day these days! However, I felt that way every day from leaving hospital last autumn until well into April this year and between November 2000 and August 2003 I felt like that - at the worst suicidal thoughts pacing and smoking state - pretty much 24-7 apart from a brief respite that I believe I spent in hospital at your suggestion in 2002. And I was struggling on and off with the medium level (the doing nothing waiting for godot/coffin) until really quite recently.

But you see the fact that I'm emerging from that is less the point than the huge importance of being absolutely blunt about just how bad it is hidden from society with a 'madness' label hung around your neck invisibly but as surely as a slave's burned stamp. I want those who are hidden thinking they're alone and freakish to find they're not alone and that there is hope. The very fact that I can write about it is evidence that I'm moved or rapidly moving past it. My articulacy is the gift I have to give to those without a voice and I feel honour bound to use it.

But to reassure you - I feel far from despairing. On the contrary, I don't remember the last time I felt so genuinely well. As in my adrenalin system not raging in my body in either depression and anxiety or raging hypomania. My sister's been up for a couple of days and has been saying the same - she reckons I'm 'janie' again as the person she knew as we were growing up - that's a pretty good feeling - frankly I feel much much happier than I did as a child, since all in all I've worked through a lot of issues and let a lot of hurt and stuff go over the years I've been sitting at home - I couldn't afford the psychotherapy so I read a few books and I seem to have done a fair amount for myself.

Meaning that now I'm much freed up for more purposeful work. I've written about 10,000 words over the last week and most of it will be usable. I've got a few projects on the go in a small way, with the writing, and I imagine that by just plodding on this way I will probably have achieved a reasonable amount by the end of the year - or by this time next year anyway.

The reference you mention - it's to the CEIMH at Birmingham University. I attend their Suresearch general meetings (Service User Research and Education) and their writing group meetings, and I've just signed up for a 'train the trainers' course there that begins in November, just one day a week. It's been great - for the first couple of times I went I felt a bit awkward and shy but I rapidly noticed what a positive reception I was getting from a few individuals for comments I contributed or etc., and it's enabled me to remember and draw on my confidence from so long ago it's untrue, and being 25 years older now than then - I'm more, not less, confident than once I was. Also, however, wiser, so I've learned to keep quiet as well which is all to the good.

Hard to know where to get the essay published. It'd make a good two parter in a major newspaper, maybe a sunday edition - or a three parter - perhaps I need to build in a note of hope in a final section. To get it into such an organ however I'll need to put my brain to the matter of how to network myself into a position to get taken seriously. This maybe where my 1990's journalism hobby with the Birmingham Post ultimately comes into it's own. I'm feeling it may be the right time to apply for a whats-its-name journalist card-passport!

Well, yet again I write 25 or 50 words to your 1 - twas ever thus I believe, no worries, twas ever thus with everyone I write to. I love to write more than I love to speak, and as we all know, that's quite a claim for me to make!

Over and out, see you on the 30th September I think it is,

Janie



________________________________________

From: John.King@worcsmhp.nhs.uk
To: janiegreville@hotmail.com
Date: Tue, 16 Sep 2008 18:51:30 +0100
Subject: RE: RE:

Janie-
Thanks for your news and for sending the essay. It makes a poignant read and indeed seems very despairing and I hope you don’t feel this way every day. However it is a vivid account and it will be interesting to see what responses you get. Who will be the readership exactly?
There was one or two things you didn’t expand on, for example

Sometimes I leave the house and arrive at a place where I am welcomed and invited wordlessly to bring up something of the healthy and positive and creative dimensions of my being – it is as a rainbow on an otherwise overcast universe

I wonddred what that place is (not Orchard Place??!!)

I am sorry not to have emailed you at greater length, but yours makes up for it to some extent. Were you to actually achieve some recognition your creative activities, I daresay you would find the criticisms of not doing housework etc would be magically silenced – I don’t suppose that well known authors get taken to task for not performing housework

By the way I saw Dr Dow today at a meeting, who mentioned you to me – I believe he is well disposed towards you and will try to help as best he can.

I am still developing some ideas but am rather swamped also by routine matters, however I will look forward to talking to you at greater length when you come up

All the best for now

John King

Anyone There?

I'm not sure if anyone's been visiting this blog recently. It doesn't help that it's been so long since I posted on it.

In case anyone is visiting the blog - welcome and apologies for the long delay since the last posting.

So, you may be asking what's been happening with MissionMiraculus. As you probably are aware, we have put up a website; http://missionmiraculus.co.uk that we sorted out using office live small business tools - all free, and the design standard of the site kind of indicates why that is.

We're not complaining however - indeed, we're very grateful: I paid £70 for a site through host-papa that declared itself especially designed for people without prior web design and web building skills or experience. That site is completely unused by me since I don't even know where to start with it.

I'm not saying that they've taken my money and a number of other people's money and then failed to deliver the product they promise. I am saying though, that I have been very disappointed by HostPapa. If anyone else has had dealings with HostPapa and has had good experiences with them please let me know because I don't want to give them any bad publicity that they don't deserve.

Infuriatingly, this whole arena of IT skills building has been swamping MissionMiraculus's progress, which is partly why the postings have slowed right down. About five of us are now beginning to organise to prepare for 'live' appearances as consciousness raisers and edutainers in a variety of contexts. I won't say any more than that at present. We'll keep in under wraps and report back when we have news. We had scheduled a team building event at MM headquarters for this weekend but contingencies have intervened to prevent that for two of us so another delay crops up..

I'm noticing that by focussing on writing, reading, talking to close associates, being involved at the CEIMH and going on the internet either checking or posting on these blogs or looking at or for other things via google, I keep myself at a safe distance from what needs to be done now : an action plan of 'live performances' and a programme of letter writing and sending and phone call making to obtain contracts.

So presumably I'm terrified of all of this. Time to face my fears and get on with this next step.... Aaarrrgghhh

Fear aside, however, there is a project that I want to take on and where it had been something for later now it's becoming a priority. Children and young people who grow up in a family where one or both of their parents or close family members are affected by mental health problems, are statistically vulnerable to developing such problems themselves in later life. MissionMiraculus joins hands with Depra and the emerging Poglai! founded by Renata Azman, author of 'Depra' (a journey of recovery) and much loved visiting writer at Birmingham University's CEIMH once a year in exploring the healing value of personal narrative in processing challenging experiences. This project needs applying to children.

Monday 16 March 2009

The founder of MissionMiraculous is impatient, egotistic, erratic, chaotic and bi-polar. In setting up the companion blogs and asking me to make a practice of publishing things on them both regularly, she hoped with great self-importance, to find that almost overnight the blogs would be capturing the avid attention of any number of people interested in matters to do with daily living and in relation to mental health matters.

In my recent meetings with her I notice she begins to look disillusioned. I have talked with her about the importance of learning curves, of coherent thinking and audience related market research, of patience and perseverence. Currently she just visits both blogs daily to look for comments and finds none and then goes back to bed.

Deplorable conduct I must say. Especially as she blames me for the matter. I'm not in the least bit impressed with her attitude and I've told her so in no uncertain terms. Not that she was listening over much..

Meanwhile I have to ignore her and let her indulge in her childish whining. We have more important things to do.

You may be pleased to hear that some progress is being made on the website building front and there's an outside chance that the home page will be up and online by 31st March. It's less than we had hoped to achieve by that date but it is the minimum achievement we had bench-marked as criterian for our plans so.. More on that in the next posting.

On 4th April a number of people are meeting in Birmingham in relation to a mental health training course some of us did between November 08 and February 09. MissionMiraculous has a particular interest in this group. If anything of interest comes from the encounter we shall get back to you.

Something I haven't mentioned to you before is that five of us with a possible interest in developing MissionMiraculous met together a few weeks ago to form a mission statement for the company to go forward in due course as it is registered with companies house, probably as a Community Interest Company with a Social Enterprise label. When this is finalised and agreed it will be posted on the website. If the website is delayed for any reason it will be posted on this blog in the interim.

MissionMiraculous will be a company that works more as an umbrella for a range of activities than as a laser for one specific goal. The umbrella will broadly encompass values as articulated in the by-line to Amazing Lives (see above), which statement is the initial wording of the mission statement.

To deliver its mission aims and objectives, MM will be focussing on a wide range of ideological, educational, political, creative and commercial services, events and products designed to further goals of challenging prejudice and developing understanding and improving services in relation to the concepts and experiences of 'mental health and illness'.

MissionMiraculous is not informed by a conventionally 'anti-psychiatry' perspective. It does, however, have fundamental criticisms of the historical and contemporary theoreticaL framework and social-economic status and positioning of psychiatry within the culture of 'mental illness' experience and containment. It also has a remit to address these problems in practice as well as theory with or without the co-operation of psychiatry as an institution, rubric and community.

As MissionMiraculous Content Editor and Commissioner I am very keen to encounter individuals training or trained in psychiatry who have a genuine ability to recognise the intellectual bankruptcy of contemporary psychiatric theories. If you are one such, or you know of one - please let me know. Use the comments ref in the box below, press on it and write to me. Alternatively, write to the editor at missionmiraculous@googlemail.com. Any correspondence will be attended to and responded to where appropriate within 5 working days of receipt.

Over and Out,

Your devoted editor.